Notes from the studio - 3rd of June

It’s only day three of this month long experiment into turning up and being present in my studio and I felt the resistance. The weather was atrocious, the traffic bad. Wednesdays are busy made more so by my husband working away this week. A poor nights sleep meant all I wanted to do was curl up in bed with a cuppa. However, I have set the intention and looking at the way the day was unfolding I had to make the most of a two hour window this morning. So I grabbed my raincoat and keys and went.

Before I set out my to do list was loud- so much to juggle and stay on top of, but as soon as I was in my studio the buzzing and the anxiety stopped. I noticed this almost immediately and felt grateful to myself for honouring the commitment. The jobs will still be there when I’m done and they can wait an hour for me.

I returned to an old canvas. One that I had liked initially. With new eyes I realised it was a passable painting of inside a greenhouse. Good enough. This lead me to the question can you ever ruin a painting? I’m not sure you can. I was happy with this one before but today I saw it and thought it lacking. I started adding paint, altering things as I went. At one point it looked worse than when I had started. I had ruined it? Had I? It certainly wasn’t going to be the same. It had evolved. It was new. I kept going. I thought if a reach a point where I can do no more and I’m still not happy with it, I still can’t call it ruined, it’s just another iteration. I’m glad I kept working. Something is emerging from the paint, I’ll carry on working on it in the hope to find and hold on to that special thing when a painting speaks beyond itself.